The thoughts in my head are so jumbled today. We left our role as houseparents at the Home for Children just a short three months ago, and............I MISS IT!
I never thought I would say that.
I really don't even want to say that.
Afterall, kids are crazy! They "drive me nerves", as Bella would say! They have problems that have to be dealt with constantly and immediately in most cases! They can be a HEADACHE! Upon leaving, I couldn't wait to fill my calendar with "our" family plans and activities with friends, if I still had any left! LOL For the most part, I have done that, and we have enjoyed our life apart from throngs of children following us around wherever we go. However, they were my ministry for almost 3 years of my life! It was not a glorious 2+ years, but it was my ministry; my chance to show Christ everyday! I don't miss the stress, the countless dental and doctor appointments, the fits with hair and clothing (can you tell I was in the girls house?), or the the fear of being at full capacity(which would mean my three plus eight!).
I simply miss...the ministry!
After reading through the book Radical this week, I have to acknowledge the fact that I'm a bit self-absorbed lately! Shock, right? For my entire life, I have felt the "tug" of ministry. I began teaching a Sunday School class by the age of 16, and I poured my everything into it. I began teaching children's church shortly after, and LOVED it! I've always sang and adored being a part of leading people into the presence of God. After marriage, we served as youth pastors, and then found ourselves at the Home for Children! All the time still very involved at church writing curriculum, teaching here and there, re-vamping programs, and always singing! Always doing. Always active. And now...here we sit!
Admittedly, I feel lost!
I feel... lazy!
Yes, there are great plans for a future ministry, but sadly, my focus has to be on making it through school (AGAIN!) so we can get to that point. So what do I do while I wait? I know my marriage and my family are the two MOST important ministries, and I am also vastly aware of my life ministry with those I come in contact with everyday, but what about the hole I feel for intentional and planned ministry?
In my line of thinking, it's called a STRETCH BREAK!
God, take this time of rest that I have been given from planned ministry and stretch me. Grow my faith to match the size of the destiny you have for me! Prepare me for what the cost will be to follow you passionately. You don't NEED me to do ministry, but I NEED You and want you to transform my life completely while I wait on You to guide our next steps. Humble me and clothe me with compassion for others around me, so that during this time of rest from "planned ministry" I will still be intentional with my day to day ministry You have already mapped out for me! Thank you for allowing me the privilege of ministering everyday to my husband and children, and may I adequately do so.Thank you also for this time! I can't wait to use it wisely by spending more time with You and in the words You have written for me and my specific situations! What a good father you are!
|Look at all those stocking!|